Our Handmade Life

In the Water and Of the Water, Part II

 

    You might recall from my last post, my direction to be "In and of the water." I really did love the poetic sound of that statement, which became a mantra in my head that has yet to leave. I love the sound and suggestion of it, reminding me of things both spiritual and elemental, reminding me to be grounded and cool-- a balance definitely needed for my normally up-in-the-air fiery self. I enjoyed the week or so between my first hearing that and my self-imposed Lick Creek baptism, in which I felt an almost physical pull to stop my car at every creek and plunge myself into the babbling water, regardless of how questionably dirty and snake ridden that water might be. By every "eastern medicine" account, I am an earth-fire-air girl, with almost no water in my make-up. This philosophy has born out in real life, as I almost never get thirsty, almost never sweat, and am a little catlike in my avoidance of anything bath or shower related. (Yes, I clean myself, but having to get wet is a battle of will every time). So this new draw to the water was a refreshing shift for me, and the words made it feel like a sacred call, which added an enjoyable tinge of drama to my sudden need for creek dunking.

    Certainly, my pull toward this cleansing ritual was born in me for a reason, and answered some need that existed inside myself. I can't tell you the relief I felt when I finally did immerse myself in a naturally flowing waterway, and the one I hold most dear at that! Upon returning 100 miles to home that baptism evening, I pulled out of the closet a painting I'd done years ago, a 5x7 foot watercolor of myself wading into that very same creek, that I had then called "Baptism," and that had been rolled up and collecting dust for some time. I've posted it above so that you can see what I saw. My hair that day was braided just as I'd painted it, and of course I was wearing the same outfit which was nothing at all, the only thing one is expected to wear at Lick Creek :). One could say that my soul foresaw years ago just such a day as the one I'd just had, or that my mind had latched on to something I'd dreamt up as a younger girl and finally acted on it. Either way the result was the same, it was exactly what I needed.

    It was also, I think, the least of what I was supposed to get from this new focus on water. The truth is, spiritual enlightenment and satiation aside, I really don't get thirst or sweat, and I am pretty sure that I am walking (or maybe staggaring a little) through my life in a constant state of dehydration. This isn't great on any given day, and it's something I've been aware of but uninterested in for years, but as a woman now growing another human life, I am responsible on a much higher level to nourish myself and this new person, and that includes a lot of water. My doctor has already impressed this upon me, as has my midwife, my husband, and my more persistant friends. In fact my midwife, in growing frustration with my tell-tale dry skin, made me hold a two liter body of water and informed me that this is how much more blood I am going to have to generate out of thin air while pregnant. And what is all that blood made of if not extra water? If I want a healthy, happy pregnancy and home birth, as opposed to a brightly lit unpleasant hospital experience, I'd better start sucking down the water. For that matter, if I want a healthy baby and a happy life of my own, learning to take in liquid is a really good cornerstone to start with.

    So, do you think all this logic got me to drink more? Nope. It got me to want to, and to feel guilty about not doing it, but I just wasn't going to think myself into thirst. I tried to drink more but I felt choked up and waterlogged with the effort, which sometimes led to drinking even less! And then the phrase crept back into my consciousness-- "Be in the water, and of the water." I'd checked it off my list after swimming in a creek, as if any command from the Universe might be that easily achieved and dismissed! I may have been told to go into the water, to cleanse and refresh and metaphorically come out new, sure, but the work part of it was just beginning, and I couldn't ignore the message any longer. My big answer that I'd gone seeking from creation was clear: "Hey Jesse. Drink your water."

    And since apparently mantras from the sky are much more effective motivators for me than perfectly sensible medical advice, that finally kicked me into gear, and my friends and midwife are happy. I feel better too! Still, drinking is something I have to do consciously, so I've taught myself some helpful "water recipes" to keep my beverages appealing and to keep me coming back for more. For all my friends lectures, I notice that they don't drink much water either, since I'm not counting tea and soda in the water category, and since some good H2O is elementally important to all of us, I'm sharing my water jazzer-uppers with the world! I recommend them all as both healthy and tasty, so feel free to try each one and enjoy-- let's be hydrated, people!

Picture 1: This is perhaps my favorite "enhanced" water. Introduced to me by Ms Marla Bird, though I should have noticed other hippies drinking it for years, it's a sort of home-made vastly superior version of Gatorade. It tastes great, and is super nourishing and extra hydrating, so this is usually the first jar of water I drink in the morning to point the rest of my day in a good direction. In this 2 quart jar that I drink all my water in (reminds and encourages me to keep drinking!) I add:

1 squeezed half lime, 1 pinch of salt, and 1 Tbs of sorghum or real maple syrup. I am currently using syrup tapped from Marla's trees on her farm in the deep Ozark woods, because it is the yummiest stuff ever, and because I love the idea that my grown baby is therefore physically made of my friend's tree sap. :)

Picture 2: Most embarrassing of my water beverages, I'll admit to this one next since it involves actual store-bought Gatorade, which has inferior sweeteners and dye in it, but which I occasionally crave anyway. A friend of mine used to put the Gatorade's at the store next to the toxic products they looked just like (anti-freeze, for example) to point out to shoppers how unnatural the beverage is, so yes, I am aware of the irony here, and yes, I highly recommend the first beverage to this one. That said, I think of this as my junk-food water, and when I want something quick, easy, and appealing, I opt for this. It's basically 1/4 Gatorade (I do at least avoid the ones with the red dye, for what it's worth), and 3/4 filtered water. Always filter your water, avoiding as much of the chemicals, fluoride, chlorine, and other people's prescription drugs as possible!

Picture 3: Keepin' it fresh with Chlorophyll! This one I've done my whole life, since my mom drank it though all her pregnancies on the advice of her midwives, and now I'm drinking it again on the advice of mine. Chlorophyll is a cleanser, keeping your blood happy and healthy. It is also a dark green food, meaning it's high in iron which is great for women in general and extra great for pregnancy, since it is a great support for anemia. And since it's an iron source that comes from food rather than a capsule, it isn't constipating! Plus, it tastes all fresh and green and delicious! This is a jar of water with 2 Tbs. of chlorophyll-- drink one a day!

Picture 4: Coconut-Orange-Shake! So nourishing, so yummy, such a treat. It's 1/4 can of coconut milk, 1 cup of orange juice, and the rest of the jar filled with sparkling water. I never get tired of this one, it's a treat!

Picture 5: Cranberry juice and water, a tart treat for the girl with the questionable urinary tract! This one is more medicinal so I don't drink it all the time, but I do like its tangy zing, so it's nice to add into the mix sometimes. Cranberry is perfect for UTI's, so if you tend toward them, it's great for that, and if you like something slightly sour, its great for that too! Just remember that we're talking pure cranberry juice, fresh or from concentrate (I use a bottle of concentrate that I keep in the fridge), NOT the kind from the store with extra words attached like "drink" or "cocktail." If your cranberry "juice" has other juices or sugar in it, it is doing more harm to your urinary tract than good. This picture is a mix of a full jar of filtered water and 2 Tbs. concentrated cranberry juice.

Picture 6: Emergen-C, my fix-all for draggy days. Feeling tired? Emergen-C. Coming down with something? Emergen-C. Weather changing? Emergen-C. It's 1,000 mg of Vitamin C, coupled with plenty of other nourishing good things, and I swear by it for everything from slow starting mornings to the biggest monster colds. Also, it comes in a cute little convenient package that just pours right into your water jar easy as pie and tastes so good I'd just drink it every day for fun if it didn't have slightly diuretic qualities when consumed that often! This is one jar of water and one packet of Emergen-C. The pictured flavor is citrus, but it comes in all kinds of great flavor variations, so pick the one you like and boost up your immune system-- yum!

Picture 7: Pure indulgence, almost too pricey to justify (but I still manage to do so), super hydrating, and the thing I am currently addicted to-- Coconut Water! Completely different than the coconut milk concoction I was advocating earlier, coconut water is bought by the jar or pop-open can at your local grocery or health food store, and is super hydrating and nourishing. (Try a little googling of the benefits of coconut sometime to see why I tout its goodness so much). If I could afford it I'd suck down one of these per day, but at around 2.50 a can, I try to only give in to my cravings every other day or two. You'll notice that I've selected the kind with the pulp included, this is not a health choice, and the non-pulp kind is always sitting right there on the shelf next to it, but it's really the little bites of coconut that I'm going for. Maybe it's my aversion to drinking rearing its ugly head again, but any drink I can chew on is the best in my opinion! If you've got a little spare change burning a hole in your pocket and want to be nice to your body, skip the Starbucks one morning and pick yourself up a coconut water-- your mouth and your body will thank you!

If we are what we eat, then in creating our own best lives, a conscious effort to build up our bodies with good food and beverages is a great starting point for every hand made life. So as it was put to me I will reflect it outward and say, let's all be in the water and of the water! Yay for H2O!

 

In the Water and Of the Water

   I am going to tell you how I pray. Like most things I do, it's a sacred ritual only to me, since I made it up for myself. But then I suppose somethings, those things are the most important to the maker-upper. Having been raised in a conservative-charismatic Christian church, praying to me has always involved a lot of speaking in tongues, yelling, falling down, dancing, laughing, crying, and prophesying. What a show! And I love that. I don't quite know what to do with myself in more mainstream churches that don't do that. Still, for myself, the opposite approach has proved more useful. Perhaps I picked it up in Quaker meetings on the East Coast. Perhaps it came to me in Amish church where, since I don't speak German, I had many long hours on a skinny wooden bench to go deeply into my own thoughts. I think mostly though, my being an artist, so constantly focused on creation and output, is what drove me inward and toward stillness in my prayer time.

    So here's how it goes for me. I try to keep a practice of prayer each day (which works for stretches of time, and is then forgotten for stretches of time), in which I simply light candles and am quiet. Pretty common, I assume, but I'm not exactly meditating, just trying to be quiet, and to listen. I picture myself being filled up. I figure I spend about 23 hours and 50 minutes the rest of the day putting out energy, requests, demands, expressions and statements-- so for these 10 minutes, I can be a vessel being filled, rather than one pouring out. So no mantra, no prayer requests, no visualizations, just open hands, open heart, outer and inner mouth clamped shut, in a place of reception. Some days it's just a break I don't want to take time for, and some days it creates a real sense of connection, but it's a good practice when I'm in the habit.

    For my real prayer time though, this is just the foundation. When I want to pray, and I mean really pray-- like I need some serious answers or I have a major bone to pick, I go to the woods. I don't think you can do major spiritual work in your own house, because it's just too full of every emotion you've already felt, and all the things you need to do. Also, if your version of God is one of the pure evocation of Creator, I think a feeling of connection is greatly helped by being nestled in nothing but pure creation. So, the woods. I find a place where I know I won't be disturbed (and sometimes I'm doing this in the dead of winter, so that helps), set myself down with my blanket and pillow, and take in all my surroundings. I have prepared myself by eating lightly, and by not speaking yet that day, if it can be helped. This means I usually go out early, and notify my partner beforehand that I won't be my usual chatty self (he doesn't mind the break!). I bring nothing but water, a pencil, and paper. The pencil and paper are NOT for doodling, journaling, or any busy work, they are ONLY to write down what I am told so that when I get my answer, I can commit it to memory accurately, and leave. I spend maybe 10 minutes pouring my heart out to the Universe, to God. Sometimes I am begging for help-- "please remove the panic attacks that continue to plague my life!" Sometimes I am just seeking direction-- "what is my path? What is my focus? What is this season of my life? Where should I plant my feet and energy?" And occasionally, I am raging with anger-- "Why does everyone else in the world get loving parents then partners and children and here I am at 30 with F*%#ING NOTHING?!" Either way, after the rant, I quiet down and JUST listen. Thoughts come up, and I say inside "I am listening." Woodsey adorable animals snuffle by and I say "thank you, I am listening."

    It usually takes a few hours, one or two at the least, and sometimes four or five, but eventually my mind is done babbling. The world is quiet with me. I open up, I am connected, and I finally have ears to hear. A faith healer once said to me that healing is 100% available 100% of the time, we just have to touch it. I think communication with the Universe at large works the same way. Now, we are all different, we all give and recieve in our own way. But here is how things happen for me. In that place of stillness, after I've waited and soaked it in, I always, always get my answer. For me, it is a dialogue that I can hear in my head, much like you might hear a conversation that you are playing over for yourself, except these are new words, and when I am spoken to there is a resonance that feels similar to standing next to a giant bonging gong. Occasionally I get an tentative answer that doesn't come with that resonant sensation, and then I know that's just my own head, trying to speed up the process. Am I sounding a little crazy? A little too woo-woo spirit-worldy? If so, I assure you this isn't part of my daily conversation, and I get that perhaps it's a little much for a lot of people, but if we're all being honest, and what's the point in communicating if we're not, then this is what I do at my most vulnerable place, and this is where my guide posts come from, and there is a point to my story, so the intent is, I promise, in no way preachy.

    As an example of quiet time turn-outs, I once went into the woods to tell God I'd had it, and we were essentially breaking up. That was the "I'm 30 and as yet without love, practically raised by wolves, a starving to the point of a showdown," rant that I mentioned earlier. There was an embarrassing amount of cursing, a slew of furious accusations, and possibly a few threats. I almost didn't even stay for my listening time because I'd mostly just come to yell, but then I thought I was at least owed a response (see the state of mind I was in? The Universe owed me something!). So I listened, and when the answer came, it was incoherent. Why? Because it was hysterical laughter directed at me. I got this picture in my head of these two light beings in a space of pure bright light, falling out of their chairs onto the ground laughing, and unable to speak to me because of the choking explosions of hilarity. "Very funny," I said, "thank you for caring." They laughed and laughed and laughed some more, and finally getting their breath back, they answered.

    "You already have everything you're so mad about, it is at your fingertips, it's been in motion forever, and it's actually already here. You've already touched it! You're throwing the most ridiculous fit, it's just too funny!" Well, that was my answer, and though I didn't know what those laughers were talking about, I did feel a bit like a raving jerky lunatic, so I wrote down my answer and went on home. It turned out that Josh, who had asked me out once and who I'd turned down months ago, decided the next day to give me one more try. I agreed to have lunch with him, not even thinking of my break down the day before, and here we are, happy as clams, well mated and loving our growing family.

    If you've been reading from the very beginning, you might remember that a miscarriage this summer was the catalyst for starting this writing project. Not an easy process, physically or emotionally, and it definitely took hindsight to see the strength and trust in my body I gained from it, or the even stronger love and attachment that it engendered in Josh for myself and our next start at a baby. There turned out to be one little month between miscarriage and new pregnancy, and in the month I floated around in my own world feeling grief, hope, emptiness, liberation, and just wondering what the future held for all of us. Definitely time for a trip to the woods. When I went this time, my intentions were clear, and I didn't have to wait long, though my answer was a little more cryptic than I'd hoped for. I wanted to know the who-what-when-where-how's of my reproductive future. The answer I got? "Be in the water and of the water." That's it, no visions, no further explainations, and every time I double checked, I got the same response: "be in the water and of the the water." I had a strong urge to roll off the log I was sitting on into the creek below, I wanted very much to be fully submerged, but the water was dirty and snakey, so I wrote down my answer and went home.

    The urge to baptize myself in every creek I drove past (which is a lot in the rural Ozarks) stayed with me to the point of distraction, but I continued not to succumb. It just never seemed quite right. Later that week I suddenly found myself driving 100 miles to the commune I love and come from on a spur of the moment errand that couldn't be put off. There, I found a pile of exhausted people just back from a long festival and in lazy recovery mode. "Let's go to the creek!" I said, and they were less than enthusiastic. It's a longish walk down a very rutted hill, and no one was interested. "Let's go to the creek!" I said again, and still nothing. After about 10 minutes I gave it one more try "I'm going to the creek!" I announced, and gathered up my things to set off. Like the Pied Piper, I looked behind me to find a few people straggling along despite their protests, and we managed to pick up a few more along the way. At Lick Creek we swim naked in the sunshine, and everyone who has been there knows it's a sacred place. Everyone swam, everyone soaked up the sun, everyone was refreshed and happy, and I stayed under the water until the moon came out, dunking and dunking, separating the old from the new, until I came out covered in creek dirt, shiney clean.

    That turned out to be the last warm day-- 77 degrees that day, and 40 the next. That next day was Solstice, when I found myself so grumpy I peed on a test in my car and got the when's and how's I'd been asking for... we are expecting our first child in May. :)

*First three creek images are poached from the lovely Ms Marla Bird, fourth is Summer Solstice at Lick Creek.

Less Toile, More Content!

 

     I have been to a lot of hippie weddings. Lots of naked, glitter covered people standing in creeks or playing hand drums-- it always makes for a great show! The vows are usually humorous or whimsical, and the officiant is usually sporting dreadlocks or facial tattoos, or both (you know who you are...). I have also been to my share of extremely conservative religious weddings, where everyone is in similarly modest dress, the vows are long and biblical, and usually the guests sing together as in any church service. I've even been to the before and aftermath of my Amish friend's weddings, and had the ceremony explained in great detail. It is often much like a church service, long and with singing, and spiced up with sweet home made decorations one would never see in an Amish house otherwise. I have however, only been to a few mainstream weddings, and I've mostly found them to be surprisingly disappointing. The lack of joy, palpable shared purpose, and fun were bad enough. But what really surprised me was all the effort put into the church and ceremony by the poor exhausted bride for a short walk up the aisle and a few average clipped promises that ended before my butt had really found its groove in the seat. All that money and work, and wedding ceremonies usually have you in and out the door in less than half an hour. I always wander out a little dazed thinking, "hey, we came for a show about your miraculous love! Why did I buy this new dress?!"

 
  


    With this in mind, I decided that what my wedding lacked in toile (that filmy fabric brides sink a stack of cash into and wrap all over any unsuspecting surface), I would make up for in content. If all these people were coming to grace us with their presence at our wedding, some flying in from some far flung places, we were going to give them a show. Besides, who doesn't want to truly emphasize and ritualize  the most important commitment ceremony of their life? Of course there are so many rich cultural and religious traditions to draw from, a girl can have a field day picking and choosing which parts of the world she wants to incorporate and how. I will share our own choices here from start to finish, and readers are welcome to borrow all of our ideas, or blend them in with a healthy helping of their own tastes and dreams. 

  
  

     From start to finish, the ceremony went a little something like this: Josh and his groomsmen walkedup the aisle to our lovely harpist's melodies and stood waiting for the bridal party. I, the bride, and my brides maids had the great luck to be driven to the wedding site in historic model T's from the age of the great depression. This was all free of charge-- our wedding gift from Josh's cousin Jeff who fixes up old Model T's and belongs to a corresponding car club as a hobby-- what a great gift! The best part for me was that I was so nervous the night before the wedding that I never slept, even after taking a sleeping pill, so before the ceremony I was a quivering still slightly drugged mess. The ride to and through the park in that sweet antique car with the top down and the breeze in my hair was so beautiful, it soothed my frazzled nerves and put me back together. By the time we got to the wedding site, I was happy and ready to embrace the day!

 

     Once arrived and out of the cars, my girls walked ahead of me down the aisle and took their places opposite the groomsmen in front. ** I really wanted to do a dance routine at this point, but there is only so much organizing that one person can do, so that idea was scrapped, though now I'm jealous when I see other people doing it! Oh well, another project for a later party. ** When everyone was in their place, Josh and I walked toward each other through the aisle, meeting to join hands in the middle. Josh and I really liked this idea, as it symbolized to us our equality in the marriage, and our mutual willingness to meet in the middle, both in conflict and our life's work. When we finally got to join hands, and Josh lifted my veil, I was so happy, and seeing everyone's smiling faces on the grass and blankets around us was perfect. Also perfect was the fact that Josh, who'd earlier suggested I suck it up and get ready when I told him I was freaking out, was trembling from head to toe, and his teeth even chattered when he whispered his greeting to me. :)

  

   Here in the middle we paused for prayers. Shane Knox, a shaman and good friend of ours, had been prepairing for us at his spot on the blanket. With drumming, feathers, and plenty of sage smoke, Shane performed traditional Native American marriage prayers for us, calling upon Grandmother and Grandfather, the elements, and our own spirits, to open a new door before us that we may walk through toward the waiting chuppa and our commitment to a new life together. It was really the perfect initiation for us, and we were so thankful to our friend for performing this rite. It grounded us, integrated our guests into the ceremony, and left us feeling fully bolstered to walk forward in every way. Josh even stopped shaking!

  

      After the smoke had cleared and lyrical harp notes filled the air again, we walked to the front and took our chairs to wash each others feet. I should mention here that we were not walking on a lovely blanket of flower petals as planned, since despite the two hours my sister Molly and I had spent collecting them from a shedding tree the day before, our whole flower petal bag was lost during the commotion of the day, and our flower girl had to walk to the front in her adorable tutu, having nothing to do with her hands but hang on to her mom. These things happen, you just have to roll with it! 
  


     Back to the foot washing-- this was by far our favorite part of the ceremony. Of course it it symbolic of washing away the old life, in order to embrace the new. It is also an intentionally humbling act, in which each partner takes a turn, choosing to kneel and labor in an act of love for the other. Aesthetically it was lovely to watch, spiritually it meant a lot to us, and for those of us who are purely interested in the tactile, the water was cool and sweet, the flour sack cloth soft and comforting, and our hands a familiar touch to each other. My Amish friends practice foot washing during church communion, and I can see how this act alone would keep one coming back for more.

 
  
    Next came the vows, simple and relevant to our intentions for a life together, and referencing everyone present, as our love for community certainly extended to everyone there. During our vows even the bride and groom were treated to a surprise in the show, when our dog Djembe, who was who'd been let loose by our overly relaxed dog wrangler, jumped into the lake and splashed around loudly trying to catch a fish! This after he'd already volunteered to (also unplanned) walk each person down the aisle in the procession. What a helpful guy! Lastly we opened the microphone up to anyone who wished to speak. Josh and I sat down in our reserved wooden chairs (brought to the park from our front porch), faced the audience, and sponged up the prayers, blessings, and advice offered to us from all who'd come (well not all, that would have taken forever!). It did run a little long at that point, since the sun had shifted directly on to us, though not the speakers or audience, but I hiked my giant dress up over my knees and thoroughly enjoyed myself until everyone had shared their part. A walk back down the aisle,a moment's pause to pour out the sage and cedar ashes, and with them the remnants of our old single lives, and the ceremony came to a wonderful close...

 

    Time to nature walk it back to the pavilion and enjoy the rest of the party!!!